I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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