Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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