she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
