If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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