dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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