apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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