Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
