Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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