when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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