hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize