Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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