How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
