is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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