I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you made out with another girl for some wings
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
