people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
