I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have post one night stand depression
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
