I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
