So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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