Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
