I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
