I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
