Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
