when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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