I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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