Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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