He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Say something about gay babies.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
