Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Boobs are out for the taking
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
