Just fell off a train. Bad.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
