She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
