I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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