I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
