My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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