I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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