I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it glows. i had to have it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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