Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
