idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
