glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
