I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
