you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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