that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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