i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so let's talk penis.
sarcasm needs its own font
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
