i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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