No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
