Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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