Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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