Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
