Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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