Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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