sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
