Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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