My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
