unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
