I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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