Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
