i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
