He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
