I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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