i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
