remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
