my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
