I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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