i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
