Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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