Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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