Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
