Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
