So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
