Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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