Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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