somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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