dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
