not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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