I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
