Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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