im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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