I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do vagina's smell?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
