i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
