I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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