OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
