You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
