after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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