i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
