I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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