He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
