Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
